so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
