I heard we made out
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My feet surprised me
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
