It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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