sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
