Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
