you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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