Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
