dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Randomize
