I feel like I'm in dance class right now
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
