ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I am one with the molecules
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
