Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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