Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Floor bacon is actually really good
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
