I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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