Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
one might say we're banned from that church
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
