My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
