i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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