You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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