you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's rum buckets o'clock
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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