So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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