He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
