My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just high enough for therapy.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
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