WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
