I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
