By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
