I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
