There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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