The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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