Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
