how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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