lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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