It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
