this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
