I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
