She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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