Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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