i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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