He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
