The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
