Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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