I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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