It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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