The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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