Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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