Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
