your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
