You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
