the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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