I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
