wat bout pragnant strippers??
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
