I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
