It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
