If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
