i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
